


I Live to Let You Shine

by philatos



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Crying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Post Ep 11 feels trip everyone, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philatos/pseuds/philatos
Summary: “I’m making you give up on yourself just so I can keep you with me. I don’t think I could live with myself if I did that, Victor”

  “You didn’t make me give up on anything. I chose to come here, to do this. I chose you, Yuri.”

  “Yeah well, maybe you shouldn’t have.”
 
  Russian translation available here





	

**Author's Note:**

> Raise your hand if you were personally victimized by episode 11
> 
> Since that ep delivered ALL THE ANGST, I felt like it was my responsibility to (surprise surprise) ADD to the angst level. But... I proved to myself once again that I cannot write anything without it turning into either fluff or smut (not this time folks), so yeah, I ended up with 1000 words of angsty fluff at 4 in the morning, haha. Did I mention that my finals are next week? As you can see, my priorities are totally in order. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyyyy
> 
>   
> _Russian translation **[here ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11253045)**_  
>   
> 
>  

“Let’s end this.”   

 

The words caught Victor unawares, as if a blade of ice was suddenly thrust into his heart.

 

“I’m sorry,” said Yuri, voice wavering. “I’m so so sorry Victor.”

 

“Yuri,” said Victor carefully, more confused than anything else. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I saw you at the rink.” said the other quietly, eyes cast downwards, not willing to meet his own. “You- You miss it don’t you?”

 

Ah. 

 

That’s what this was about. He had to give the younger man credit, he was much sharper than most people (himself included) thought.

 

“Love,” he said, taking Yuri’s hand in his. “It’s ok don’t worry about it, just focus on tomo-”

 

“No Victor, it’s not ok,” said Yuri snatching his palm back. Standing up, he walked to their room’s window, looking out, refusing to face him. “I’m holding you back, keeping you from what you love. How can I call myself your boyfriend, your- your fiance,” his voice catching slightly on that last word. “If I’m making you give up on yourself just so I can keep you with me. I don’t think I could live with myself if I did that, Victor”

 

“You didn’t make me give up on anything. I chose to come here, to do this. I chose  _ you _ , Yuri.” 

 

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have.”

 

The icy blade that was lodged in Victor’s heart twisted. 

 

“You don’t mean that.” he said quietly. “Yuri, please look at me.”

 

“I let you down today.” said the other, still gazing out into the night. “And you lost your record. I can’t imagine that you’re not feeling any resentment towards me.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened in surprise. “You know that I could never, that I would never-”

 

“You say that now maybe, but what if that changes? Let’s be honest, I’m not getting the Gold this year. I’ve come to terms with that. But,” he stopped, swallowing the tears that bubbled beneath the surface. “What if I never do? What if you’re wasting your time on me?”

 

Having heard enough, Victor got up. Gently turning Yuri around so they faced each other, he pulled him into a crushing hug, ignoring the others muffled protestations.

 

“Yuri,” he breathed. “Did you forget? I love you. I love you so much, and it hurts me to see you like this  moya zvezda. I wouldn’t care even if you placed last in every future competition, not that you will, especially with talent such as yours. God Yuri, it hurts me that you’d think that I’d love you any less for something as stupid as that.”

 

“Victor, you don’t understand. Listen to me.” said Yuri pleadingly, eyes shimmering as he held on to the other like a lifeline. “I love you too. That’s why I’m doing this even though it kills me inside.” Taking a deep breath, he gently but firmly extricated himself from the others arms. “Go back to Russia. I want you to compete in the next Grand Prix, Victor.”

 

To say that Victor was shocked would have been an understatement. “What?”

 

“You have at least another season in you,” continued the other, “I want to give you the chance to compete again. I’m sure Yakov will agree to coach you. Go defend your title.”

 

“I don’t want-”

 

“Victor, why won’t you just listen to me?!” shouted Yuri, tears now falling freely. “I don’t want to hold you back!”

 

The sight of Yuri’s tears, once again caused by him, broke something within Victor. He acted on instinct, trapping him in another hug, tighter this time.

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not holding me back.” he said, voice shaking with emotion. He opted to stay silent after that, simply holding the other in his arms, soothingly running a hand down his back as he sobbed, all his deep seated anxieties finally rising to the surface.

 

“You know,” he said softly after the worst of Yuri’s sobs had receded. “Yurio found me at the beach this morning. Do you know what he said to me?”

 

Yuri shook his head slightly, burying it further in the other’s embrace. 

 

“He said ‘Victor Nikiforov is dead’. And you know what? He’s right.” he paused to sift his fingers through black locks, gently rubbing at the other’s scalp. “Yuri, I’m done with my previous life. Skating was a major part of that life. It still is, but in a completely different way now. Yes, my records are being broken, but so what? Life goes on. I’m happy enough to have set them in the first place. Going back now to defend them just seems beyond ridiculous. So yeah, Victor Nikiforov might be dead, but you know who feels more alive than they’ve ever felt before?” He leaned in closer to say it directly into the other’s ear. “I think  _ Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov _ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

 

“Victor,” whispered Yuri. “Oh Victor…” Tears reemerged from beneath his eyelids as he was too overwhelmed to do anything but say the his name over and over again, each syllable of it, a minute reassurance that the man in front of him would never stop loving him. 

 

Eventually, the tears stopped, and his breathing returned to normal. Wiping his tear stained face, Yuri looked up at the Russian, giving him a watery smile.   


  
“Better?” asked Victor soothingly.

 

“Much,” croaked Yuri, voice slightly hoarse now. 

 

“Good. Now let’s get you to bed. Big day tomorrow.”

 

As the two settled into their makeshift king size, Victor gently pulled Yuri closer, wrapping an arm around him protectively. 

 

“Sleep now, dorogoi moy.” said Victor tenderly, pressing a chaste kiss onto the other’s lips. “Tomorrow, you will show the world exactly what Yuri Katsuki is capable of. Show them just how much our love can accomplish.”

 

“I’ll try,” said Yuri sleepily. “Only if you keep your eyes on me and me alone.”

  
“Yes lyubov moya,” yawned Victor as he shut his eyes, breathing in the other’s comforting scent. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are appreciated and comments fuel me (＾▽＾)
> 
> Cry with me about these two/send me fic requests @ [**griffith-did-nothing-wrong.tumblr.com**](http://griffith-did-nothing-wrong.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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